January 28, 2022

Exhausted. trying to bypass the pain. triggering all the pain. I wanna numb out… I wanna drink until I can’t see straight.. but i can smoke some weed. (it helps). covid has me in its grip. my jaw hurts from clenching back the memories. but i feel joy. shes in here. patient. knowing and full of clarity.

it’s time to walk forward. as my own sovereign being. i ask how? how do i walk forward without anyone to hid behind? is my era of being an ego protector done!?

all the conditioning and contorting of who i am to always be what THEY wanted, done?! giving up all of me because the man said so, done!? i’m bewildered by this prospect.

I’m binging on netflix… girlfriends guide to divorce… the lessons are there… just masked in hollywood’s finest… i want to see more.. i want the story line pushed further… show us more diversity please. and really… where are the real body sizes? i get it. I want yoga… i want to dance.. i want to be wined and dined and laugh with my fabulous friends, too.

I’ve been sick for 8 days. my cough is steady. fever’s gone. head always hurts. fuck you covid. fuck you.

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